How to care for your law student

Dear Sir or Madam:

Congratulations on your recent acquisition of a Law Student.  Please keep in mind that Law Students need a lot of love and care, but if you take the right steps, you can ensure that your Law Student continues to be strong and healthy.

Step 1: Ensure your Law Student is well-watered
Over the course of the year, your Law Student may make harmful decisions that leave it dehydrated.  Or it might simply fail to remain hydrated as the result of neglect.  Keep your Law Student well-watered and alive.

Step 2: Bring your Law Student into direct sunlight for a couple hours a week.
When your Law Student is not spending time with you or is making harmful decisions that leave it dehydrated, it is probably locked away in the basement of some building, surrounded by book stacks.  The only light it receives is of the Fluorescent variety, as well as the glow of a laptop.  If you are not careful, your Law Student may develop a Vitamin D deficiency or Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), even if it is in Southern California.  Your Law Student may take some convincing, but take it outside every so often to remind it that what the open sky looks like.  However, do not leave your Law Student outside for extended periods of time.  Due to the amount of time your Law Student spends indoors, it cannot absorb too many UV rays at once and will likely burn.

Step 3: Speak to your Law Student
This may seem silly, but when you speak to your Law Student, your Law Student will soak up your words like Oxygen.  Law Students work with words 24/7.  They live and breathe words.  But many of the words they are surrounded by are dry, uninspiring, and lifeless if not bitter, anxiety-ridden, and virulent.  Speak gently and lovingly to your Law Student and breathe life into its lungs.

If you continue to take these steps, your Law Student will continue to thrive.  Furthermore, if you play your cards right (and your Law Student does not go into Public Interest), your Law Student may reward you with lots of green.

Take care, and enjoy,