Three Star Night

This was a Facebook note I wrote back in 2008, but it's just as true now as it was then.  I'm actually surprised it never made it to the blog, but it is now!

A series of questions for thought and meditation

• Do you view God as esteemed atop a "holy hill"?
• Is that hill a place you want to be?
• How is/ are your:
• walk with Christ?
• thoughts?
• feelings?
• relationships?
• How do you view:
• sin?
• righteousness?
• money/ possessions?

Are you anchored, or are you easily moved?

His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

(rocknroll_guitar of flickr)

Dear squeamish people: aren't you glad I didn't show the actual needle?

Recap

Two weeks ago, a commenter responded to my post on how Meekness really is like being a doormat, and I have been spending my time this week addressing some of the commenter's concerns.

First, I answered the question of whether meekness is a requirement for salvation.

Next, I answered the question of what meekness is, exactly.

Today, I am addressing the commenter's third question, which I rephrased the question to read:

"Does a person have to change their fundamental personality in order to fulfill the command to be meek or gentle?"

Like the first question posed on Monday, this hits on a very important aspect of the Christian faith that goes beyond our discussion of meekness and gentle

The issue is this:
God tells me to be A, but I'm more like B.  A and B are incompatible.  Is God telling me I have to change who I am?  Isn't God supposed to accept who I am and leave me be?

"That's just not who I am."

Have you ever told God, "That's just not who I am"?

Someone told me this argument once.  She used it as an excuse for screaming at, scratching, and physically attacking her child in anger.  (As a legal aside, at the time of this revelation by the mother, the child was grown and well out of harm's way.)

Her argument was, "I am an angry person.  This is just who I am.  Sure, I might not be the best Christian.  And I might not be the best parent.  But this is who I am, and I've reached a state of peace with myself.  God will have to accept me for who I am."

Yikes.  But while it's easy to blame this woman and point at her extreme response, don't we do the same thing?

God, I'm an impatient person.  I want results, and my employees don't live up to the expectations required by this office.  You want me to be patient, but I'm not that type.

God, I'm a meticulous person.  I want to plan out every aspect of my life.  I'm just being careful and looking ahead.  You want me to have faith and trust your Sovereign plan, but I'm not that type.

God, I'm A.  You want me to be B, but I'm not that type.

Typing

In one sense, these excuse-plainations have a point.  We are that type.  In fact, the Bible says so.  We are fallen.  We are sinners.  Our natural flesh is spiritually dead.  We are angry, impatient, and faithless.

In another sense, these statements are completely false.  Yes, we are fallen sinners, but we have been saved by grace. (Ephesians 2:8-9) Our natural flesh is spiritually dead, but we have been made alive with Christ. (Ephesians 2:4-6) We have been raised from the dead.  We have been given a heart of flesh to replace our hearts of stone. (Ezekiel 11:19) We are new creations. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

We have been made new!

We can become that type of person God wants us to be.

God loves you too much to leave you where you are.

God loves us.  He came to us, took on human form, and died for us.  He extended forgiveness and salvation and holiness and adoption to us.  He loved us while we were yet sinners, but he doesn't want us to stay in our sin. (Romans 5:8)

We were once dead IN sin, but now we are dead TO sin. (Romans 6)

Don't waste your newfound life.  Why live as defeated individuals, when we are "more than conquerors" in Christ Jesus? (Romans 8:37)

The Christian is linked to Christ.  A metaphor describing this relationship is that Jesus is the "vine," and we are the "branches" extending from Him. (John 15:1-17) When we are connected to Him, we "bear fruit."  This "fruit" includes the characteristics I discussed on Wednesday: compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, forbearance, and forgiveness.

Why?  Because Christ loves us.  In His wisdom, he knows that the best thing for us is to be as connected to the Best Person in the universe.  And we cannot be connected to Christ without being changed by Him.  He won't let us stay where we are, and quite frankly, we won't want to.

So what if you're A?  You might not become B overnight.  You might not even ever become B.  It might not be easy.  It might not be fun.  But Christ will empower you to stop acting like A and start becoming like Him, and you won't regret it.

Continuing from Monday's discussion of meekness and salvation, I will now address the second question our commenter posed:

Does meekness mean we have to be gentle?

 Well, let's look at some verses on meekness:

• Numbers 12:3 says that Moses was the meekest man on earth.  However, it doesn't really tell us what made him meek, so this is marginally helpful.
• Psalm 45 mentions someone who "rides out victoriously for the cause of truth and meekness."  I find this interesting because meekness is not something we generally associate with victory, yet there is a clear connection between the two here.
• Psalm 37:11 and Matthew 5:5 both mention that the meek will inherit the earth, but still not actual definition of meekness.  This lets us know that meekness is a quality to be desired, but still doesn't entirely tell us what meekness is.

These other verses are a bit more helpful

• 2 Corinthians 10:1 gives a description of Paul, who invokes the meekness and gentleness of Christ.  He lumps the two qualities together: meekness AND gentleness.  Also, he also launches into a discussion of humility, boldness, and confidence.  This discussion seems to indicate that all these qualities are related.
• Colossians 3:12 gives a list of traits that the believer should develop: compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, forbearance, and forgiveness.

Now I have to admit that my understanding of meekness is not purely based on these verses alone, but rather that my belief is consistent with these verses.

One cannot exhibit meekness without first coming from a place of strength.  I find Christ's example and also the example of God/ the King in Psalm 45 to be compelling in this area.  One must choose to become meek, but if a person is simply weak, he does not have the liberty to make that choice.  However, if someone who is strong chooses to become weak for the sake of another, I would then call that quality "meekness. "

Borrowing from the language of 2 Corinthians 10, when someone chooses to become weak, he does so because he is confident in himself and in God and makes this bold choice on the basis of 1) who he believes he is in God regardless of how others interact with him and 2) his heart for others.  In this way, Christ (who was himself God), Paul (who had direct revelation from Christ), and Moses (who spoke with God Himself) all exhibited meekness in their dealings with very stubborn and very sinful people.

Meekness is often coupled with gentleness because there really isn't any other way to be meek.  Meekness will necessarily express itself in a gentleness toward others.  Christ humbled himself and chose a position of weakness out of his heart for humanity and the lost.  He could have come to us in judgment, but he came to us in gentleness.  This is why Colossians 3:12 mentions the list that it does: compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, forbearance, and forgiveness.  How can you have one without the other?  They are all in the same "family" of traits.  But, really, it can be said that they are also all manifestations of love.  That's why these three remain: faith, hope, and love, but the greatest of these is love.

The greatest commandment is to love God and love one another.  While obeying God's commandments are not a requirement for salvation, remember that those who love Jesus will obey his commands.  And as we grow in Christ, we will develop Christ-likeness.  No greater love is there than this: that he lay down his life for his friend.  In this, Christ is our example and our guide.  Just as Christ loved us and came to us in meekness and showed us gentleness, so also should we strive to love and meekly show gentleness toward others.

Background

Like most bloggers, I check my blog stats from time to time.  It lets me see which posts work, which ones don't, and which ones get Google hits.  Apparently the search terms "Jesus was not a doormat" and "meekness does not mean weakness" are rather popular, which has made this post (and personal favorite) my top searched-for post.

I have been wanting to expand on that post because there is a ton more I could say, so it was only a matter of time before someone posted a question in the comments:

does meekness mean that we have to be gentle.........what if one is the kind of person that is not d quiet type..............do i have to be meek before i can make heaven.

These are all excellent questions.  Instead of answering in the comments like I normally would, I will go ahead and answer in a series of posts for the rest of the week.  This way, I can give a longer and (hopefully) more accurate answer, as well as open up the floor for any other readers who would like to chime in.

This is by no means an exhaustive explanation or list of Scriptural references, so again, any contribution to the discussion in the comments would be much appreciated.

The Breakdown

The comment basically asks three questions: 1) What is the difference between meekness and gentleness; 2) Does a person have to change their fundamental personality in order to fulfill the command to be meek or gentle; 3) Is meekness a requirement to go to heaven.

Today, I will start with Question 3 because I think it is the most important, and I will leave the other two for later.

Requirements for Salvation

While the subject of this question is meekness, this addresses a broader question.  What is required to go to heaven?  There are a lot of commands in the Bible.  On top of those commands, there are a lot of additional demands that seep in from the Church.  Where does one stop and the other begin?  Where does salvation come into place?

Acts 16:31 says, "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved"

Romans 10:9 says "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."

From these verses we learn that salvation involves a special sort of belief about Jesus and God that affects one's heart (believe in your heart), recognizes Christ's victory over sin and death (that Jesus was raised from the dead), and recognizes Jesus' Sovereignty over our own lives (calling him "Lord.")

To relate back to the question, those who are "saved" are the ones who go to heaven.

Now nowhere in these verses does it say that one must believe in Jesus AND be meek.  Or believe AND anything else.  (There is another verse dealing with baptism, but that would constitute a post of its own.)  With the exception of baptism, however, nowhere in the Bible does God give a requirement that says one must "believe AND" do anything else.

Jesus is sufficient in all things.  He saved us when we were sinners, and, yes, we will still have sin when we go to heaven.  This means that none of the "saved" are going to be kicked out of heaven for not being meek.

A Laissez-faire faith?

However, part of Salvation is recognizing Jesus' Sovereignty.  Furthermore, the point at or process through one is saved is when God's Spirit "enters" the life of the believer.  The new believer becomes a new creation- the old has gone, and the new has come. (2 Corinthians 5:17)  For this reason, it is expected that the new creation will not live according to old habits- the believer has been saved by Christ and loves Christ, and those who love Christ are also those who obey His commands.  (Ephesians 4:21-24, John 14:21).  Furthermore, "faith without works is dead." (James 2:14).


Note the language: if someone is a believer, then he will exhibit these traits.  The believer is a new creation, puts aside the old state of sinning, puts on a new attitude that desires to please God, loves and obeys Christ, and exhibits a faith that also includes works.  These are signs of believers, not requirements for believers.


No one is perfect, but we are running the race set before us and striving for the prize that draws us heavenward in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:13-14)  Being drawn heavenward means becoming closer to Christ, and part of this process is allowing the Spirit to work in our lives and exhibit signs of Christ-likeness.

Continuing from Monday, when we experience trauma, heartbreak, or disappointment, we cannot change the past.  Maybe something we did spiraled out of control.  Maybe we never had control to begin with.  Either way, the past is set in stone.  There's no going back.  What we can do, however, is choose how to respond.


This has been something that has been on my mind, but watching Kung Fu Panda 2 with my family this weekend really put my thoughts into words.

Your story may not have such a happy beginning but that doesn't make you who you are, it is the rest of your story, who you choose to be.

You got to let go of the stuff from past, because it just doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is what you choose to be now.

Our lives tell stories, but whose?

Many let "life" dictate their stories.  Their circumstances define them.  The people in their lives define them.  Their tragedies define them.  

Others choose to tell their own stories.  As these quotes from KFP2 indicate, these people respond to the past by choosing to write their futures.


However, I believe there is a third choice.  Maybe it's a lifetime of fighting circumstances I can't overcome.  Maybe it's my more recent incident of coming down with Tourette Syndrome.  Maybe it's a personality thing.  It's probably a bit of the above.  I choose option three.  I won't merely be a victim of my circumstances, but I don't believe in writing story, either.  It's not that I won't.  I can't.  I'm a poor author.  I'm Moses, in the desert with sheep and a bad stutter.


There is a turning-point.  That point at which a person decides not to let life toss them in every-which-direction.  But I also believe that I'm not the person to take back control.  There's a better person for that job.  It's not my story, and it's not about me.  It's all about God.  It's His story, and I'm just a part of that.  Whatever story he wants to tell with my life- I've decided that I'm OK with that.  In the moments that I'm not- and they come- I decide that I will be OK with it.  

There is a difference in simply allowing life to happen, actively authoring one's life, and actively allowing the Great Author the room to write.  Don't confuse the three.  The journey itself is a story, but it's one worth telling.

After reading AWP's post last week, I took another look at Adele's song, "Set Fire to the Rain." Or ten. I think it's one of my favorite songs now!

"Set Fire to the Rain" has become a personal anthem of mine because it speaks to my experiences. People will disappoint us, and it will hurt. We may cry. But we may use that pain to motivate us. We can set fire to the rain.

However, raw motivation is a two-edged sword, something I saw demonstrated in Kung Fu Panda 2, when I watched this weekend. In the movie, both the protagonist and the villain experienced trauma in their pasts. Both use those experiences to motivate them. Both set fire to the rain.

Fire, however, has two natures. The villain harnesses the power of gunpowder to forge a (quite literal) path of fiery destruction. The protagonist, however, uses his newfound motivation to protect those he loves, like a warm campfire preserving life in the wilderness.

Pain is powerful, but even more powerful is the resolve that can come from it. Go ahead. Set fire to the rain, but first, ask yourself what kind of fire you want to start.

Today, our fabulous guest poster brings A Writer's Perspective.  When I first met AWP, I didn't quite know what to make of her.  However, after a year of living with her, I felt like I've known her forever.  I love that I can always count on her to bring a fresh and different perspective into the conversation.  (Even if she thinks that making minor references to movies in the fantasy/ sci-fi genres makes her a "nerd" when she can't even remember Samwise Gamgee's name.)

Set Fire to the Rain

Yay, another guest post!  Since I'm frequently talking about my nail polish obsession, what it means to be a Christian female, or my legal studies, I asked my one friend who has/ is/ does none of these things to share from his perspective.  And he agreed!

Alex F. is a long-time friend of mine and supporter of the blog.  In fact, you've unknowingly read a lot of his ideas before because I often plagiarize from him (though, mostly with permission).  My favorite Alex-inspired post came from a comment he made about childhood when we were watching our PK running around the church with reckless abandon.  More recently, he was "the friend" in this post about goals.

At this point, I would provide a link to his blog, if he had one, so you all could benefit from his wisdom and wit.  But until he starts a blog of his own, he has an open invitation to guest-post here on TSN.  I might even start a new tag for his posts.

The Call

The Call. Have you ever received it? That little miraculous moment when apparently God reaches down from heaven, extends his finger, and taps you right on the head and you know just what you are supposed to do with your life. Recently I've been thinking about this concept and trying to piece together what God's "call" for my life is.

Then I did something dangerous. I actually took a look at my life. And as much as I know that the "T" in TULIP stands for Total Depravity, it always surprises me just how deep my sin goes. Through some Godly direction from some close friends I realized that I already was pursing a calling of my own making. I apparently had my own idea of what my purpose in life was and pursued it with an, ironically, religious fervor. Being single, I assumed my highest calling in life was to get married. I honestly believed that God really was not using me to my full potential by keeping me single and sought to rectify His oversight. Certainly He would be pleased with my ingenuity. True to form, I underestimated God.

So now I write this, still in the process of breaking down marriage as an idol in my life. But worship abhors a vacuum. If I truly wanted to cast down any idols in my life, I had to replace my "highest calling" with God. So again the question is, what is God's highest calling for me? And through the example and advice of Godly friends and through reading through the gospels I found God's calling. It is a pursuit of Him and a reliance on Him. God's purpose for my life is His sanctification of my life. The gradual removal of sin and reorientation toward Christ-likeness. If that is God's purpose, then there is no higher calling for my life than that. So now I resolve (and re-resolve, and re-re-resolve) to pursue that purpose. To pursue, love, and enjoy God in and with my mind, my heart, my strength, and my life.

For me, at this point in my life, I turned to marriage as an idol. But now, at my job, I can see the same temptation to turn toward work or the pursuit of money or a career as my highest calling. I could devote all my time and energy to work harder and do better and look to these things for my peace, and hope, and joy. But that would be walking into the same trap, that by the grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit I now see clearly. Marriage and a career both do take hard work and striving, but they must be pursued in a Godly way. They can't be central. They can't be ends unto themselves. They are means by which God fulfills His plan to sanctify us and sanctify and save those around us.

Now I have contentment in God's plan for me, whether it includes marriage or not. God's plan for me is my sanctification and to accept me into His kingdom when His work for me here is done. And I can think of no higher, no better calling than that. So I am satisfied that God will complete that work that He set out to do. I can be thankful that where I am now, even in my singleness (which is crazy to think, right?), is where God has chosen to best sanctify me. I think for the first time I understand Paul's words when he urges the Corinthians to "remain as you are." So praise God for that; at the very least, I understand His word better.

So what now? What of you? Is there a calling you pursue wholeheartedly? Are you thankful for where you are now? Thankful that you are there by the grace of God, for the work He has for you, in particular, to do? Just remember there is no greater calling in life than to pursue the One who called us to life.

Resumes

Though I've been trying to post more regularly, I'm having issues getting the post out on time.  Today's excuse: I was cranking out cover letters to send to potential employers.  Looking for a job is an interesting process.  You take all your qualities and write them down on paper.  You convince someone, not only that you're the best person for the job, but that they're the best for you.

The Christian version

Weirdly enough, I find myself doing the same thing when shopping for churches.  At some point, someone asks you about your church history, and I find myself going down my Christian resume:
- said "the prayer" as a kid
- led a few Christian student organizations
- was a small group leader/ deaconness at my former church

Pride and Prejudice

At first, it sounds like I'm listing all my Christian credentials.  People are generally impressed, considering the fact that church involvement in my age range is sparse, to say the least.  The problem, though, is none of this was for a pat on the back.  I'm not trying to get a job or win brownie points with this person.  This was and always will be for God- and not by my power- but by His grace and strength alone.

This works the same for those with a less-extensive Christian "resume."  I have friends who are newer believers that feel awkward in the church because they feel like people expect them to be someone that they're not.  They feel judged (real, or perceived) because they haven't had the same experiences as others.

But here's the catch: there's no pride in having an extensive Christian "resume," and no shame in not having one, either.  Grace.  Faith.  Obedience.  That's it. 

Paul says as much in Philippians 3.  If anyone had a resume, it was Paul.  But what does he say about it?

Indeed, I count everything as loss because of^(S) the surpassing worth of^(T) knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.

 And what about those who don't have Paul's background?

But one thing I do:^(AD) forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, ¹⁴I press on toward the goal for^(AE) the prize of the upward^(AF) call of God in Christ Jesus.

Grace

So let's extend grace to one another and embrace God's grace for ourselves.  It's not about what we do or our personal histories.  It's about Christ and grace and the cross- what he has done in our lives (every conversion is a miracle) and what he continues to do in our lives.  It's not about our resumes and convincing others that we're good enough.  It's about Christ reaching down, coming to our level, and declaring us good enough.

Poison

I had a bit of a meltdown the other day.  It's crazy how years and years of disappointment and hurt can rise to the surface in a moment and the armies of bitterness be triggered by the mundane.  One thing goes wrong.  Then another.  Then your backup plans D, E, and F fall by the wayside.  And all you're left with is the trapped feeling that "It's always been like this" or "Things are never going to change."

I don't have a particularly volatile personality.  I'm pretty even-tempered and level-headed - not in a passive/aggressive way, but a lot of things just slide off my back.  But on the occasion that I get mad, it feels good.  Righteous, even.  After all, I'm right (of course) and this person or this situation deserves my anger.  And it feels good.  Until I realize that brewing poison isn't the safest occupation, and this anger is toxic to my soul.  Good feeling gone.

Passion

I had a meeting with an old friend a few cities away, so I jumped on the train.  I grown to love trains.  Sometimes, they're very entertaining.  This time, it gave me time to reflect.

I was so frustrated with my circumstances, but James 4 came to mind.  I didn't have a Bible on me, so my recall was more like:



than:



but it's the same general idea.

Pastures Green

I want because I do not have.  I do not have because I do not pray.  I do not pray because I know I want the wrong things, and when I do pray, I pray to have the wrong things.  This puts me in a very bad feedback loop, and I get angry (a murderous attitude) and frustrated (leading quickly to quarreling) because my passions are at war within me.

However, the Lord provides peace.  Peace- the opposite of anger and frustration and quarrel and warring passions.  It comes when we understand that the valley of the shadow of death isn't so scary, when we taste and see the banquet that He has already laid out before us, and when we are filled with the overwhelming knowledge that surely goodness and mercy will follow us all the days of our lives.

Instead of praying for hands to grasp my desires, maybe I should pray for eyes to see my blessings.


"The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want."

Edit: This has nothing to do with my earlier book review, by the way.  The timing of these pre-written posts gives a deceptive timeline sometimes.

What I pray for

A lot of the time, I pray about things that I want God to change.  X situation isn't going well.  That Y person is being difficult.  God, if my life was more like Z, everything will be so much easier!  And of course, there is nothing wrong with praying for our needs, wants, and desires.  God encourages, and even commands it.  It is our privilege to do so as children who have been adopted and made holy by the blood of the Lamb.

However, as I read through James, I was convicted.  So often, my prayers reveal my selfish and sinful heart.  My desires are divided and are at war within me.  I desire, but I do not have.  I covet and do not attain.  James calls this reasoning "earthly, unspiritual, [and] demonic."  Yikes.

An Alternative

But how can I combat such attitudes?  Well, certainly the answer isn't to stop praying.  Instead, I can pray for wisdom, which God gives "generously and without reproach."  And what is this wisdom that God gives?

Wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

While our desires are described as warring factions, wisdom is characterized by peace and gentleness.  While I am given to discontent and mixed motives, wisdom is characterized by reason and sincerity.  While my spirituality may become stagnant, wisdom produces mercy and good fruit.

The source

How do we cultivate wisdom?  Proverbs 4:7 is kind of hillarious because it says, "The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom, and whatever you get, get insight."  Well thanks, Solomon, or whoever wrote that.  Real helpful.  James is a bit more descriptive when he says that God will give us wisdom if we ask in faith.  Still, I think there is more we can do in our pursuit of wisdom.

What is the ultimate display of God's wisdom?  His peace, gentleness, and mercy?  The cross.  In God's wisdom, he chose that the cross would be the time and the place where he displayed his character and showed us who he is.  Likewise, as we become students of the cross, we become students of his wisdom.  The more we understand and appreciate the cross, the more we understand our peace with God and will become quicker to make peace with others.  The more we understand God's gentleness and mercy, the more we ourselves will become gentle and merciful.  And the more we understand the work of God in us, the more good works will be produced by us.

It is this process that makes us wise.  Friendship with the world is emnity with God, but if we become humble students of the cross and seek God's wisdom, God will give us grace.

Today I took a trip to the DMV (the Department of Motor Vehicles, for my international friends): where the lines are as long as Disneyland, but it's definitely NOT the happiest place on earth.  The reason why people wait in these lines, though, is because transportation means freedom.  It means going where you want and when you want.  The "end" of being able to drive definitely justifies the "means" and the hoards of people, even if you have to wait for hours (pro tip: register for an appointment online.  I noted the person who would have been in front of me in line, had I not secured an appointment.  I was in and out before she got to the front door of the building.)

Just as the ability to move and go places is a manifestation of freedom, so is the ability to not move when you don't want to- any Tourette Syndrome, Huntington's, or Parkinson's patient will tell you that.  Because freedom isn't limited to movement, but to one's will.  The will to do or not do what you want or don't want.  The will to make choices and get results.

But sometimes our will leads to imprisonment, not freedom.  What happens if we are bent on getting our way and don't?  We wanted good health for ourselves, parents, and children, but we got sickness instead.  We want to call someone into account for a wrong, real or perceived, and no one got what they deserve.  We wanted- not even a good job, but enough to get by- and we got laid off.  We wanted so much for this broken relationship to mend, but it slips away by the day.


A person's will can be like wood or like bamboo.  Wood is strong and unyielding, but it will break.  Bamboo is also strong, but it will give and bend.  A wooden will that is obstinate leads to disappointment, heartbreak, and grudges against others and against God.

On the other hand, a bamboo will possesses a different kind of strength: the strength to adapt and change while still staying rooted.  It is a flexible sort of steadfastness.  Sometimes the way to grasp freedom is to live life with an open hand.  Sometimes the way to gain life is to lose it.

Inherent Power

I believe that words carry great power.  Maybe it's because God spoke the universe into existence or because Christ is the Word Become Flesh.  Or maybe it's because I'm a blogger and an aspiring lawyer who believes in what I do.  Either way, words and create, encourage, inspire, build entire civilizations, or tear them down.  For this reason, we often focus on the words we say and their impact on others. 

Gaining Wisdom

When James 1 is preached on, many focus on the fact that the spoken word cannot be taken back, and it is wise to hold back what would be otherwise said in haste.  When I read this passage, though, I was left wondering whether bridling the tongue can be a means to wisdom itself as well:

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

Notice how the reason for being low to speak and slow to anger isn't so that you "don't hurt others' feelings."  The motivation is that anger is antithetical to producing righteousness.  If anger is bridled, a person has time to focus on the words left unspoken.  Was I really going to say that?  Where did that come from?  One has the time to capture his or her thoughts and examine them in light of the Word, and this examination shows us the areas we must excise to come into line with God's righteousness.

Combating Deceit

If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.

Words have power: one of these powers is deception, and what is more powerful than self-deception?  There is an inverse correlation between bridling one's tongue and deceiving one's heart.  When we speak, we give free-reign to the desires of our heart.  The problem is that our hearts are notoriously sinful.  But when we bridle our tongues, we may examine our hearts and ask the Spirit to remind us who we are in Christ and empower us to live like the people we were created to be.

This is a hard lesson for me because as I said earlier, I work with words.  It's what I do, and in my professional field, the faster and better you work with words, the more valuable you are. Even so, the lesson learned from the unspoken word is far more valuable.  The slower I am to speak, the quicker I will be to listen to the Spirit.

Make a mental list of traits you enjoy in others: the attributes you admire, the things that draw you to your friends, your own personal strengths, or the characteristics you wish you had.  Chances are, things like love, courage, honesty, creativity, and having a good sense of humor made the list.  Chances are, "steadfastness" didn't.  The word itself sounds archaic, stoic, and generally- boring.  Imagine putting that on a resume (or God-forbid, a dating profile): "Hi, my name is ___________.  I'm well-known for being steadfast."

We're a culture that values free-thinking, adaptability, and spontaneity.  Everything is new, fun, exciting, and engaging.  You can set the alarm on your new iPhone 4 one night, and when you wake up, they'll come out with the iPhone 6.  Consumer-culture aside, these values aren't themselves good or bad; it's just the world we live in.  Yet often, there's a weird disconnect between what we know, how we think, and how we act.  It's like we look at ourselves in a mirror, walk away, and forget.

Make a mental list of the attributes of God: the things we praise Him for, the things we sing about.  Isn't immutability one of the most celebrated aspects of God Himself?  He is the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the same yesterday, today, and forever.  Entire Psalms extol his steadfast love which endures forever.  Why?  Because if God is love, and God doesn't change, we can rely on him to keep loving us.  There's great comfort in that.  The attributes of God we praise are meaningless if he's going to be fickle about it.  But God is immutable.  His character remains steadfast.

I opened up to James today (after, admittedly, not reading my Bible for some time) and came across these verses:

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

After reading that, steadfastness doesn't seem so boring after all.  Someone who is steadfast doesn't change, but they don't change because the full effect of steadfastness is perfection.  Steadfastness in and of itself may not seem like that exciting of a goal, but sanctification, perfection, and lacking nothing?  I can get behind that.

So when we meet trials of various kinds (and we will), we can count it as joy.  Not because we are adaptable and spontaneous (which are certainly desirable and useful traits), but because we have a steadfast faith in a steadfast God.  The wind blows, the flowers fade, wealth and intellect and beauty degrade, but he who abides in the will of God stands forever.

In the past around Christmas and Easter I start talking a lot about theology.  Instead, this Holy Week, I've been talking a lot about, well, me.  Or rather, how I've been applying theology to my life.  My life is so incredibly broken, and there is so much that becomes applicable.

In Christian circles, or at least in my Christian circles, there is a lot of talk about "preaching the Gospel" to yourself or "living cross-centered lives."  I'd imagine that many, like me, have heard these phrases but have not actually read the books.  We Christians like our phrases.  Organic.  Missional.  Kingdom-living.  Cross-centeredness.  But what do these phrases mean?  How is it that we apply theology to our lives?

I co-led a Bible study once.  Something my co-leader would always say is, "What does this look like?"  Someone would answer, "Well, it means we always have to remember the cross."  Then he would counter, "Well, what does remembering the cross look like?  What does it look like, really?"  That question was something that always struck me.  After leaving the group, I expanded on his question with my new Christian friends: "What does this look like on Tuesday morning?  Thursday afternoon?  What does it look like, really?"

If the Bible is God-breathed and useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in all righteousness, if it is a double-edged sword piercing through flesh and marrow, if it is living and active- if it is any of these things, then we should be able to point at our lives and think about how the Bible speaks to that area of our life.  Conversely, we should be able to point to the Bible and think about how we can apply that verse in our lives.

Tomorrow is Good Friday.  What does it mean?  And what does it mean to make the cross a daily reality for us, not just this week, but next month?

The TS saga continues.  I spent more time on the phone today.  I was put on hold five times within the same conversation.  I love how the "you're on hold" music is so cheery and joyful, almost like it's mocking my misery.  At this point, it doesn't look like I will be able to get an appointment.  It looks like I'll have to take my finals without any TS medication.  Now, TS medication isn't medically necessary.  Physically, I can't be harmed by TS symptoms, unless I tic violently at the top of a flight of stairs or something.  But tics are obnoxious.  Imagine going through life having no control over your physical body.  Your head jerks around, you get whiplash, you scream every so often.  It's no fun.

After I got off the phone with my neurologist's receptionist, I was very angry and frustrated.  Why did my old medication suddenly decide to give me major side effects now?  Why can't I get an appointment?  Why can't they call me back when they say they'll call me back?  Why am I being put on hold five times in the same conversation?  Why?  Why?  Why?

Then I realized it's all God's fault.  If he wanted my medication to work without giving me major side effects, I wouldn't get the side effects.  If he wanted me to get an appointment, I would get an appointment.  If he wanted me to be healthy, I wouldn't have TS.

My internal dialogue went something like this:
Seriously, God?
So you really want me to go through finals without having medication, huh?
But don't you know I need to do well on my finals?
Don't you know that if I don't do well, I won't have the finances to continue in law school?
Wasn't it your idea for me to go to law school?
I thought this was my "calling."
What if I fail at my calling?  What am I supposed to do then, huh?
Why are you against me?  Why are you frustrating my purpose?

I'm not sure why I landed on the thought of "frustration of purpose."  It sounds like something that would be in the Bible, maybe in the Psalms, or maybe when Paul was trying to get into Asia but couldn't.  Or maybe I thought of it because my contracts reading last night was titled "frustration of purpose."

Maybe God really is frustrating my purposes.  I thought about it, and then I kind of laughed at myself.  God frustrating me?  If I stepped back, if I didn't think about TS and finals and being put on hold- if I just thought about it for a second, it's rather laughable.  Me, a speck on this earth, pointing up at God, "You're frustrating me!  I have plans, you know, and you're ruining them!  How dare you!"

Somehow God hasn't struck me down with lightning yet.

Again, I'm reminded of holy week.  It's weird, how I keep having to remind myself.  So forgetful.  So silly.  One minute, I can praise God and thank him for the cross, and the next minute I'm telling God that he's frustrating my plans.

And He hasn't struck me down with lightning yet.

Isn't that amazing?  The grace, the love, the longsuffering, and the patience?  I think God sometimes looks at me and *facepalms*, yet he continues to love me.  That's what the cross is about.  It's about me failing time and time again.  It's about how I couldn't have pleased God even if I wanted to or tried.  But more importantly, it's not about me at all.

It's about the purposes of God, and how I can never, ever frustrate them.

edit: Awesomely enough, I finally was able to get an appt.  Praise God!